Hoosier Daddy?

Savvy babes hide their eggs!

Savvy babes should hide their eggs!

The day before Thanksgiving, Planned Parenthood of Indiana announced that it would be offering gift certificates for the first time in history.  According to PPIN vice president, Chrystal Struben-Hall, the reason for the controversial sales move is due to current economic woes nationwide and how such problems may impact women’s healthcare needs.

“People are making really tough decisions about putting gas in their car and food on their table, so we know that many women especially put healthcare at the bottom of their list to do,” she told WISH-TV of  Indianapolis.

The gift certificates, which are available in $25-$100 increments, can be used on a variety of Planned Parenthood services, including abortions.  Abortion opponents reacted with predictable indignation, according to sources at HuffingtonPost, claiming that PPIN was “making making a ‘mockery’ of the holiday season.”

Well, I don’t think so!  Nothing says I CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD PERPETUATE THE SPECIES QUITE YET more than the gift of contraception.

That said, what if birth control fails, as is often the case?  You are then faced with a clear choice: one option necessitates visiting a clinic such as Planned Parenthood, the other entails experiencing unplanned parenthood. It’s sure nice to have the choice as well as the resources, and here’s a taste of WHY:

Two women are bellied up to my bar.  One is drinking a Nudge, the other is drinking coffee.   The teetotaler is hugely pregnant, the other is not.

“So, let me get this straight, you don’t have any idea who the father might be?”

“Well, it happened about 7 months ago, late April I think, and that would be when the herring fleet was in town… so I might have some ideas as to which boat he might be from.  Then again, there was that weekend in Petersburg at the beginning of May, the Little Norway Festival, and, well, I just don’t remember who….”

“Ouch! A little Viking baby… it hurts just thinking about it!”

“I know.  And when I went over to social services to apply for medical coverage, they wanted me to “identify the father to the best of [my] knowledge” and all I could come up with was that he wore Xtratuff boots, a Carhartt jacket, a baseball cap, drank Rainer beer and smoked Marlboro’s.”

“You just described the fleet.”


Baby Viking TattooAm I implying that some women are reckless sluts?  Nope. (Though I will admit that it does happen here.  A lot.  Especially in the Spring.)  Am I saying that precautionary measures are a good idea? Most definitely.  (And formulating an alibi is also an essential part of good planning.)  My point?  That the folks over at Planned Parenthood of the HoosierLand are onto something big.

When you consider the high rates of dedicated drinking, domestic violence, fetal alcohol syndrome, and rape, as well as typical teenage behaviors (in even the most idealistic scenarios *cough-cough-Wasilla-cough-cough*) that often culminate in unwanted and/or unplanned pregnancies, that birth control as a preventative measure and abortion as an unfortunate (but absolutely necessary) contingency are indisputably de rigueur.  Particularly here in the Transient Fishermen Belt known as coastal Alaska.

As of this posting, this novel idea has not yet been promulgated outside of Indiana, however, I heartily encourage you to consider giving the gift of contraceptive access this year in the form of a donation to the Planned Parenthood OrganizationIn Sarah Palin’s name. For Alaskan women, of course.

*Thanks to LIFE image archives for the b & w photo

*Thanks to mnartists for the baby viking pic


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s