No More Waiting With Baited Breasts

BaitedBreastsWhere’s the Well Seasoned Woman?  Word on the docks ranged from marriage to witness relocation program, and even the ever-popular death by misadventure.  The truth, however, being mundane by its very nature,  is that this WSW took an unforeseen hiatus from dang near everything for a spell.

When I wasn’t driving through tourist-infested streets of Sitka – trying very, very hard NOT to, oops, make a Geriatric Hood Ornament out of every dang codger that confuses our main traffic thoroughfare with a Disneyland boardwalk, I was busy sheltering the homeless, feeding the hungry, and discovering a cure for cancer.  Okay, most of that last part was a big, fat (though impressively ambitious) l-i-e.

Here’s what really, really happened: I quit smoking, ramped up my fitness regime, caught up on years of lost sleep, and spent countless hours contemplating the meaning of life.

I know: Yawn.

The rest of the story is that I ran out of things to comfortably share with such an anonymous audience.  I was hoarding my little anecdotes and two-cent commentaries for The Book.  What book, you ask?  The one I have been threatening to finish for decades.  The Next Great American Novel that somehow got eclipsed by living life – which I reckon is cool because, according to John Lennon, “Life is what happens to you while youre busy making other plans.”  (Yup.  Exactly what you might expect from a dead guy.)  So, no more excuses.  WSW is back.  Had no choice:  Waiting with bait on your breasts will just make ’em sag – and I’m too dang proud for that.

Sitka-by-the-Sea, meanwhile, continues to astound with nearly unprecedented weather that includes consecutive stretches of ridiculously HOT temps, an absence of RAIN, and most horrifying: a Big Orb in the Sky that won’t stop shining every day.  For those of us that have lived here too long, the recent run of  robin’s egg blue skies and bosomy-warm weather ironically hints of Apocalyptic warning that ultimately is producing (are you ready for this?) stress and tension.  True.

The Upside of Ominous Weather: Naked Shipwrights

The Upside of Ominous Weather: Naked Shipwrights

Why?  Because the other boot is gonna fall: And when it does, everyone will know who doesn’t shave her halibut-belly white gams.  This sort of thing never turns out well. I am suggesting that we need to focus, people; it may be time to build that ark, mend those groovy galoshes, and by golly gosh, you got to rustle up a warm body that you can tolerate for say, 40 days and nights.  At sea.  And, I daresay, it’s not even winter yet!

I recently attended an incredible seminar led by internationally-renowned Stress Management expert, Brian “Luke” Seaward, that focused on holistic health, stress reduction, addressing latent anger, and a bevy of mind-body-spirit topics.  It was not so much enlightening, as it was validating and inspiring.  Sort of like being reminded to brush and floss between meals by your dental hygienist.  On the same token, while most everybody innately comprehends the fight-or-flight response, not everyone understands how to manage it to their best advantage, i.e., to live a happy, healthy life.  It was a rare treat for Sitkans to experience this utterly engaging guide who shared his vast pearls of wisdom seamlessly laced with humor and eloquence.  I encourage you to check out his website and his blog, Stressfully Speaking, to partake in some of this common sense sagacity.  Even if you aren’t into all the positivity and wellness, I assure you that his nature photography is well worth the effort.

Meanwhile, the current forecast threatens more of the same damn nice weather.  Reckon I should go find some gopher wood before too long.  Or maybe… here’s a novel thought:  Just enjoy it while it lasts.

* One more thing, to everyone that wrote asking on my whereabouts and well-being, THANKS for reminding me that YOU are out there!  YOU are simply amazing!

* Big thanks to Ray Troll for the Baited Breasts pic!  Check out more of his ingenious insanity at http://www.trollart.com

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “No More Waiting With Baited Breasts

  1. Mamma's Little Chickee

    Yay!!!! You’re back!!!
    (and hell yes to Ray Troll pictures.)

  2. Kristine

    Let’s see…quit smoking…writing the book….looking for wood….DAMN I’m proud of you!!!

  3. Now I feel guilty for not asking where you were blogwise all these months. Because it is, of course, all about me. Write the book. In, you know, your spare time.

  4. I thought breasts were their own bait….?

  5. dustybee

    I know, overkill, right? Try and think of it this way: chinook salmon lure that includes a hoochie AND a flasher; having cake AND ice cream; meat AND potatoes; chocolate AND fat free; porn star AND owns a liquor store…

  6. It’s great to have you back!
    I know what you mean by this sunny weather making you feel like the other shoe’s gonna drop…

  7. My wife quit smoking 1 year ago this month.

    I am so proud of her and so are her children.

    You have made a great accomplishment!

  8. Hi there! Found your lovely blog thanks to your many friends. I have nothing outstanding to say other than I loved reading your update and looking through your archives. You go Woman.

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