Happy Birthday, I Want a Divorce

Fireworks displays are scheduled to light up the skies around the country this weekend to celebrate the adoption of our Declaration of Independence in 1776.   That singular momentous event marked the beginning of a New World Order of sorts, when Baby America pulled herself off the British tit and began the arduous journey towards self-actualization and Independence.

According to a letter from John Adams to Abigail Adams,

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.

(It is important to note here that the aforementioned date moved from July 2 to July 4 because, as we all know, anything that has to go before Congress has to take longer.  It’s the law.)

Happy Birthday America!Fast forward to 2009 – a mere 233 years – and across the land, proud Americans continue the tradition of whooping it up for the good ol’ red, white, and blue by enjoying all the best that summer has to offer.  From the biggest cities to the smallest villages,  there will, no doubt, be some selection of parades, fishing derbies, races, contests, games, BBQ’s, and for many, just a leisurely weekend boosted by technicolor skies and surround sound after dark.

Meanwhile, here in the once-upon-a-time-politically-insignificant State of Alaska, the bells ringing and bombs bursting will be, for lack of a less passive-aggressive descriptor, enhanced, by the July 3rd announcement of Her Majesty Sarah Palin that she is filing for a (cover your ears, kids) d-i-v-o-r-c-e from the State.

Throw Down with Lady LibertyWhile I am loathe to add insult to an ever-growing injurious pile of vacuous remarks, it seems that one might be remiss to not partake in this indisputable opportunity to broach a wee comment on the newest chapter of The Diva Debacle – though certainly NOT intended to insinuate that it’s the last chapter… (After all, isn’t a chunk of our Future ex-Governor’s allure due to the fact that dang near everything she says and does is notoriously vague and mysteriously open-ended?)

So here it is:  What the fuck is she up to now? This announcement, like so many others, alludes to some other unstated, unfinished business… much like tornado alley in the throes of summer heat – that eerie sensation that somewhere a house is about to fall…

ding dong...

By golly gosh, timing is everything: At the precise moment that media-whores picked clean the bones of Michael Jackson, the Gov dropped her bomb.  Oh look, something shiny!  Nonetheless, we might all be broken-hearted orphans if not for the knowledge that Sean Parnell, thank you very much, is calmly waiting in the wings.  As for any speculation on that, only time (and other trusted Alaskan bloggers) will tell.

Meanwhile, have yourselves a wickedly Happy 4th of July holiday.  A warm shout out to the current Gov for being such a maverick by giving us two weeks notice before she clears out.  Let’s get this party started!

Well-Seasoned Babes Know How to Start a Party

Well-Seasoned Babes Know How to Start a Party

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Happy Birthday, I Want a Divorce

  1. Too funny!

    Why IS she leaving???

    Call me cynical, but I’m wondering if the ehtics folks gave her a choice. . .resign. . .or. . .

    What’s the inside scoop?

  2. Great blog post!
    I really like the photographic analogies.
    Anyways, sumthin’ is up fo’ sure; you betcha!
    I do think that somewhere a lawyer is breathing a sigh of relief, but I could be wrong.
    I’m sensin’ a reality show in her future.
    Happy Independence Day!
    Peace

  3. Best sentence ever written about the Divacudda:

    What the fuck is she up to now? This announcement, like so many others, alludes to some other unstated, unfinished business… much like tornado alley in the throes of summer heat – that eerie sensation that somewhere a house is about to fall…

  4. Yep, she needs to watch out for falling houses –literally!!

    It’s been fun following the implosion 🙂

  5. Wayne

    Stupid Cunt!
    Go suck a high-yellow dick

  6. dustybee

    Okay Wayne Whitfield,
    But YOU first!

  7. Pingback: Bravo Mayor Bloomberg: Taking on Gun Control Lobby « Anne Caroline Drake

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