Bitch, please.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve… Yeah, you read it right.  Today is the official pre-winter version of Groundhog’s Day.  The way I understand it, if you can’t see your toes after dinner tomorrow, there should be at least six more weeks of excuses not to go to the gym.  Sounds legit to me.

Meanwhile, I have been thinking a lot about the way that my Thanksgiving Experience has evolved over the years.  For instance, prior to my dive into the deep end of academia, I frequently used to prepare multi-course dinners for friends and family.  My menus have been variously themed to fit the context of life that particular year.  The main course generally depended on which turkey man I was romantically involved with.  Some years we enjoyed the bird theme, other times it was venison or elk.  There were a few years of king crab and halibut to dovetail with the yams and green bean casserole, and even one or two holidays spent at neon truck stops or on the anchor toughing out bad weather.  In leaner times, I might hop from house to house with baked goodies and wicked libations, ever-grateful to be able to exchange pleasantries with friends and family.  To the best of my recollection, some of those moments may have been the very best of all.

Nonetheless, I am a full-time student now, and the semester is winding down, which means that time is at a premium.  I cannot, therefore, justify spending this Thanksgiving holiday by indulging in excessive eating, drinking, and football-watching when I have books to color with bright yellow highlighter, small-print scholarly articles to feign interest in, and exorbitantly long papers to compose on existential subjects that will most likely never be expressed in non-academic conversational exchanges again.

That said, I have been considering alternative Thanksgiving agendas, and here is one presentation that makes me regret I ain’t entertaining this year:

Because it is Wrong. On 6 levels.

It’s the quintessential American Dream: an effing Thanksgiving Turkey Cake with All the Trimmings.  Six layers of aesthetically questionable goodness that you can make NOW to simultaneously impress and horrify dang near everyone!  Spuds, yams, cranberry sauce, turkey, dressing… on a cake plate, bitches.  Don’t say WSW never gave ya nothing.  Here’s yer link: Thanksgiving Turkey Cake.

As for this gal, since I am “between husbands” this holiday, I aim to enjoy my turkey on the rocks – just like someone’s mom used to make.

As for you, somewhere between the eating and the sleeping and the inevitable farting and dog-blaming, I recommend that you paint some wonderful Thanksgiving memories – even if you have to deny them in the morning.  That is, after all, where the best stories come from.  I will be home all night if you need an alibi.

P.S. Regarding dessert – I am compelled to incorporate some MATH into this post because it seems like the academically correct thing to do.   Here it is, the simplest pie chart ever:

The KNEW Math, as in "I KNEW THIS"


*Thanks to CHOW for the Turkey Cake pic

* Thanks to IowaMonsterBucks for Turkey Shot

*Thanks to Yarsly for the Pie Chart pic


9 thoughts on “You Can Never Be Thankful Enough

  1. That was delightful, Deb. I Stumbled Upon that Thanksgiving turkey cake recipe a few days ago, nearly shat myself with delight.
    The pie chart is hilarious.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  2. I’m glad you’re being school responsible as most of us are at a scholarly minimum right now. Maybe that’s just me. I loved all the pictures, especially the pie chart 🙂

  3. So there you are feeding your mind and the rest of us are stuffing our turkeys. 😉 turkey day is not the same without you here at the casa.

  4. Curiously enough, I’m intrigued by that Thanksgiving cake looking thing. Perhaps because I’m mildly obsessed with cake. That said, I hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving, a holiday that, for me at least, is more about appreciating life and less about a 14lb bird served with taters.

  5. Ha, ha, ha! Loved this on so many levels. I am thankful for this blog. And the pictures. And the list goes on. Thanks for brightening my Sunday night!

  6. I am thankful for you! Glad I had a little pre-Thanksgiving dose of Deb to get me through the holidays. Miss you already.

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